99% of people don’t do this one thing to make conversations more interesting.
Sometimes you’re unsure of what to say next. Your mind goes blank and you start to sweat.
Awkwardness creeps in and you say, “Excuse me!” Or, “I have to run to the bathroom.”
What do you do??
The trick is … you actually don’t need to talk as much as you think you do.
You just have to ask the right questions and be sincerely interested in the other person. This is what 99% of people don’t do.
One of the first steps in becoming a better conversationalist and moving to a deeper conversation is to become a better questioner.
The next time you’re talking to someone and want to have a deeper conversation, be aware of the quality of the conversation. It relies on four factors:
1. The types of questions you’re asking
2. The order of questions
3. Your tone
4. How you present the questions
Dale Carnegie, the author of the very epic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, said, “Ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.”
Asking the right questions is a powerful way to discover meaningful information about the person you’re talking to.
This is a step forward in turning small talk into a deeper conversation.
Below are a few questions you can use to continue moving beyond small talk:
What are your weekend plans?
What are some personal projects you’re working on?
What do you recommend for fun activities this weekend?
Working on anything exciting lately outside of work?
Now, work off the questions you ask… At this point, you’ve discovered some facts about the person. You have clues and ideas to work with, so now use follow-up questions.
Here are a few examples:
If you ask — “What are your plans this weekend?” and they say, “I’m meeting up with friends to get drinks. Keeping it simple.”
Follow it up with: “That sounds great. I noticed some good bar options around here. What’s your favorite bar or restaurant around here?”
OR
Follow it up with: “Great. I like keeping things simple too. What are some other weekend activities you enjoy?”
These types of follow up questions will open the door for deeper conversation and help you discover clues.
Both you and your conversation buddy now have a sense of comfort allowing both of you to be a little more open and honest with each other.
This is called “bonding”. It’s the key and allowance to have deeper conversations.
Keep in mind this may take a few separate conversations to reach a deeper level of connection. Some people open up sooner (or later) than others.
Examples of deep questions to have in your back pocket.
“Can you tell me more about your family?”
“Does the work you’re doing make you happy?”
“What was your last relationship like?”
“Where did you grow up, and what was your childhood like?”
These are good questions to help you turn small talk into a deeper conversation when you’re ready.
Work off the questions and see how far you’ll go into a conversation. You’ll look up and see it’s two hours later.
You now have a solid idea of how to dance into a deeper more intimate and meaningful conversation with someone you just met.
Remember … A great conversation is a dance requiring two people to be in sync with each other. It’s a loop and mutual push-and-pull, unfolding over time.
We hope this helps! And, if you want to improve turn your small talk into deeper conversation check out Loopward.com.
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